Catherine's Journal
by Nancy Curles                                                   

September 10, 1989
     When we were together--the night you were so upset--I never
would have thought my presence could be so calming.  Although
nothing was said between us, being together was all that
     I can still remember Father warning me not to go to you; he
actually feared for my safety.  However, I was determined to find
you-- no matter what.  As I think back on it now, what I feared
most was the possibility of our never being together again.  That
fear was more real to me than the knowledge of what could harm
    As I think about it, I am happier now that I chose to stay
with you that night.  I think it showed you that wherever you
attempt to go, in some way I will be there too.  You say our bond
has disappeared; I just believe it has taken on another form
which you haven't yet experienced.  Therefore, you cannot detect
it as you did before...although it is still there.
    How do I tell you that I'm expecting our child?!  I know
it'll be hard to get used to and Father may object at first but I
am willing to do whatever it takes to keep myself and our baby
safe.  I'll be willing to move Below if it would be easier on
you.  Sooner or later Father will come around.  That night a few
weeks ago he should have realized that I wasn't going to leave
you alone in your distressed state.  
    I couldn't imagine what your reaction to my wonderful news
would be.  I had a hard time deciding when the proper time and
place should be for me to share my news with you.    I needed for
us to be alone so we could openly discuss our feelings without
being interrupted by one of the children.  The Mirror Pool was
the perfect place for me to tell you my secret.  It has always
been a special place for us to go and share our feelings with
each other.  
     I don't know why I was so worried about how you would react
to my news.  Honestly, I am surprised you did not sense anything
through our bond.  I should have known everything would turn out
all right.  The way your eyes shone as you hugged me gave me the
courage I needed to face Father with our good news.
     Please understand that I am very happy with this situation. 
I've started thinking of names for the baby.  Actually there is
only one name:  Jacob.  I know it will be a boy--don't ask me to
explain it because I can't.  I also cannot think of another name
which will be more appropriate than Jacob.  I  am sure Father
will be pleased that I want this child to be named after him, and
to have both you and him as role models; people to look up to as
he is growing up in the tunnels.

     I want to begin helping you and Mary teach the children so
our son can have both of his parents teaching him the important
things in life.
     My job Above?  I haven't thought  a lot about that yet. 
Eventually I will need to talk with Joe about it.  Who knows?  It
may be possible for me to work part time, giving me more time to
spend with you and the baby.  Hopefully, Joe will understand.  He
already realizes that I have someone who is of great importance
to me in my life.  I am confident that he will work with me on
this--it will just take some time.
     I've been trying to talk to Nancy for the past few weeks,
but with our busy schedules we are continually missing each
other.  I am looking forward to talking through my feelings with
her--especially those feelings which are related to the
pregnancy.  This being my first pregnancy I'm not exactly sure
what I'm supposed to be doing or not doing.  Yes, I know, you
keep telling me to take it easy and not move around so fast, but
if I slow down my pace much more I'll go crazy.
     I enjoy spending time with you at the Mirror Pool, reading
practically everything we can get our hands on from Shakespeare
and Dickens to Browning and Faulkner.  I am confident that our
son will be a scholar--just from the amount of reading we have
done prior to his birth.  I feel more at peace when I am reading
quietly because I am doing something helpful for our child also.
     I've been wondering--what will our child look like?  I
realize that both you and Father are concerned, but appearance
does not trouble me.  I promise you I will love our child, no
matter what, with the same unconditional love that I have for
you.  Since the day we met,you have always been there for me. .
.and I am sure that you will also be there for our child.  I can
sense your concern; you believe that you could unintentionally
harm either me or our baby as you protect us.  I don't think
so--not when you continue to put us above what you need or want
at all times. 
     I can understand your fear of what our child's appearance
will be.  You seem to think if our child looks like you that I
will turn away from you and our baby.  That concept could not be
any further from the truth.  Don't you realize that my having
your child,  together with our relationship, is the most
important thing in my life?  It doesn't frighten me that our
child might have some of your characteristics and personality.
In fact...I know I would be PROUD if our child resembled his
father in any small way.  Of course I would have to relocated
down here Below for some time; but who knows--maybe after the
normal "maternity"  leave I could go back to work Above.  I am
sure that with all the children and the care that goes on Below,
our child will stay safe while I am working Above.
      These past several months have been very difficult for me,
not really knowing how Father would take the news of my being
pregnant with your child.  Not to mention, my case load at work
is becoming more and more strenuous.  Through all of this you
have faithfully given me the support of your strength.
     Lately, I have been getting very emotional when I think
about what will happen once the baby is born.  The
responsibilities involved in caring for a child can be quite
complicated.  It is more than physical needs that must be
considered--we are also responsible for moral values--right and
     How do I balance the responsibilities of caring for a child
with the everyday pressures of my stressful job at the District
Attorney's office?  For a start I need to be concerned with how
my job affects my health now that I am pregnant; I should be more
in tune with what is happening to my body.  I am sure that
everything will take care of itself.  It's just difficult for me
not to worry.
    How will everyone adjust to my having your child, Vincent? 
So far I feel okay with everything that's been happening.  I just
hope Father continues to understand us and support us in our
decision to have our child and raise him Below with the other
children.  I wouldn't want Jacob to feel out of place while he is
growing up.
     Not many children have parents of the two different worlds
Above and Below.   What a wonderful legacy of love we will give
to him, Vincent!
About the Author 

Nancy Curles has enjoyed watching the show since it was first
aired although she did not find BATB fandom until January of
1993.  She's written a few short stories and/or poems. To date,
she have also written a digest sized zine. Nancy is active in the
Dreamseekers club.  You can email Nancy at